Today was one of my better days. I'm in the middle of changing anxiety medications and the withdrawals have been brutal. Today was the first day I have kind of felt like myself. For those who don't know about antidepressants, they change your world. I think its hard for others to understand the toll these medications take on your body. Not every kind works, and while trying to find a medicine that works for you, you are nauseated, dizzy, have headaches, and increased anxiety.
I have been on lexapro for two years, and while it takes care of my anxiety, the side effects have become unlivable. I have gained fifty pounds, have no attention span in school, and am tired all the time. I honestly just didn't feel like myself while on lexapro. I didn't care about the things I should care about. I had no energy to fight for myself. I felt alone and helpless.
During my transition time in the last week, I have had night tremors, insomnia, nausea, and increased anxiety. I had extreme anxiety about returning back to Athens to live in my apartment by myself this summer. I have also had extreme anxiety about moving in with completely new people next fall. I am sad about my roommates moving on. A part of my anxiety is not being able to handle change well, and a lot of big changes are heading my way fast.
I have been on this new medicine, zoloft, for two weeks and four days. Today was my first day anxiety-free. Everything feels clearer now that lexapro is totally out of my system. I hope and pray that this new medicine works to curve my anxiety. I will keep blogging about my anxiety for each day to keep track.
On a different note, it is so strange in my life how God continues to show me that He is constant and unchanging. It is almost when I get too comfortable and dependent on people, He points out their shortcomings. Tonight has been very lonely, but I know that God has a plan to show me how great He is. I'm leaning on his everlasting arms.
Love,
Caroline
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