Looking forward has become harder and harder this week. I moved in my new apartment Saturday and my mom left Sunday. Sunday night I had two panic attacks. Change really flares it up. A lot of my anxiety comes from the fear of having a panic attack... weird I know. I hate the feeling of being out of control and embarrassed. I hate the cold sweat and fear of not knowing what to do. After that night, each day has become better and better in my new apartment. I let myself come home today knowing that I have had two great days in Athens. I knew if I came home the night of my panic attacks, I probably wouldn't have returned to Athens.
My biggest fear is that I made a mistake coming home. That, by coming home, I will have to start the readjustment process all over again and have more panic episodes. The rational side of me knows this is a lie, but the anxiety has a way of taking over my spirit. I recognize that the devil is working hard to keep me out of Athens. Please pray the my adjustment process will continue to run smoothly and I will bond with and feel comfortable enough to share my anxiety with my new roommates. The devil is trying to trick me into believing that I am the same person that I was freshman year, and that I will fail. I need to keep focused on my improvement in coping with anxiety and the small blessings. Finding time with the Lord has become hard this week. I want to completely shut off my emotions and go through the motions for fear of becoming vulnerable to a panic attack. The devil is working hard against me. Please pray that I will let the Lord fight for me and rest in his presence.
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
No comments:
Post a Comment